In the end
by jododdi
Summary: After a bad dream Grissom feels the need to get in touch with Sara
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Gil, Gil, wake up you are just dreaming Gil!" Heather shouted as she shock his shoulder trying to rouse him from what seemed to be a nightmare. Although she had witnessed him have many nightmares when he first started staying with her he had not had one lately and never like this he was thrashing about in the bed and screaming for Sara, for someone to stop hurting her. Heather pulled him into a sitting position and continued to try to wake him. "Gil wake up you are ok Sara is not here I'm sure she is ok too, "Grissom was starting to wake up and he was dazed and disorientated.

"Where is Sara why are they hurting her where am I……. Heather?" Grissom looked up into Heather's face looking for answers wondering why she was suddenly in front of him. "Was I dreaming, I'm sorry, I …….. I have to find Sara make sure she's ok, she was in so much pain." Grissom tried franticly to untangle himself from the bed clothes.

"Wait, Gil, calm down it was just a dream and even if you want to go and make sure she is ok, you will just scare the hell out of her if you get in contact with her in this state ranting about someone hurting her. Gil…. Sit still and I will help you get out of the sheets." Grissom looked lost and confused as Heather carefully tried to get Grissoms body and legs untangled from the sheets, unsure quite how he had managed to tie them in knots the way he had.

"Gil.. What was the dream about?" Heather asked as he removed the last of the bedding from his flushed and sweating body.

"I don't know … Sara was in real pain I can still hear her screaming in my head. The rest of the dream was a bit difficult to put together ." He sighed and rested his head in his hands sitting on the edge of the bed. "Ellie Brass was there, its all just too weird but I just want to know that she is alright after seeing that I can't get her cries out of my head, I don't think I will until I hear her voice, do you know what I mean?"

"Yes I think I understand but les get you a cup of coffee and a shower to calm you down and then we will see about contacting her to make sue she is ok." Heather turned to leave the room, but Grissom did not move. "I will get the coffee you go and get showered I will be back in a few minutes I don't want to find you still sitting there." She turned again and left the room, he could hear her descend the stairs and go to the kitchen at the back of her house, he suddenly realised how much time he had been spending in Heathers house, how familiar he had become with it over the last few months that he could tell where she was in the building just from the sound of her foot steps. Normally he found the sound of her wondering about comforting that was why he stayed with her, but now there was no fooling himself he was not happy or comfortable with her or anywhere without Sara. He rose from the bed and stumbled to the shower.

When he returned to the bedroom he found a steaming cup of coffee waiting for him. He quickly dressed and walked slowly down the stairs sipping his coffee as he looked to see where Heather was. He found her sat quietly in her office.

"Well are you feeling a little better now?" She asked although she could see from his face that he was still shaken by the dream.

"Well I know where I am now, so that's better but it was so intense I have to find a was to get in touch with Sara just to make sure she is really alright, if something had happened to her and I didn't check I would never forgive myself."

"Do you know how to get in touch with her?" Heather was sure that he had not had any contact with her since her email saying she was happy, but she could not be sure if he still knew how to get in contact with her.

"No… I do not have any idea where she is although I would think she is still on that boat somewhere." Grissom sat thoughtfully. After 10 minutes sat in silence Grissom suddenly pulled his phone out of his pocket and hit a speed dial number. "Jim…. Sorry did I wake you…..Yes I know I have not had much sleep; look I just have to ask you do you know where Sara is or how to contact her…… Ok I'll meet you in the diner in two hours." He hung up the phone and pushed it back into his pocket, before turning to speak to Heather "He knows where she is and says he will tell me over dinner if I tell him why I want to know."

"So you had a dream and Sara was in pain and you just want to check on her, end of story you're not going to go up setting her or anything because she is doing really well at the moment?" Jim asked at the diner.

"I know it sounds strange but I just want to hear her voice to get her screaming out of my head. How do you know where she is anyway is she in regular contact."

"When she left the first time she was working in the drugs rehab place remember?" Grissom nodded "She met my Ellie there I asked her not to tell you or anyone because it would break my heart if she failed to get clean and you all knew about it, well she did it Sara thought she might struggle when she came back when Warwick died, but Ellie was fine left on her own in the apartment they were sharing," Jim paused seeing the panic spread across Grissoms Face as his friend want increasingly pale. "Griss you ok you have gone very pale and rather worried looking, Ellie has been clean for over a year now, even for the four months they were at sea, and I mean she could not have got anything out there, Gil what's wrong?"

"It just Ellie was in my dream, I as you said yourself I did not know Ellie and Sara had even met in years let alone that they are together, oh god what if something has happened to Sara, to either of them." The look of panic was now spreading to Brass' face as well.

"It was just a dream maybe I said something in passing about them being together with out realising and you subconscious got on to it."

"Jim do you have a contact number or address or something?"

"Yes, they are living on land now have been for about four maybe five months" Brass spoke as he scrolled through his phone looking for Sara and Ellie's details. "They are on some sort of scientific military camp, it does research, but students go there to experience the practical science or something like that she said Sara is working mainly with the visiting students but getting her hands dirty as well, Ellie is on the domestic staff, they have a house on the camp here." Brass held out his phone with the phone number and address of Ellie and Sara on it. "I've booked sometime off in a few weeks the girls have invited me down to visit them for a few weeks, its funny I always thought of Sara as my daughter and now they are together I think of them both as my girls." Grissom gave Jim a quizzical look. "Yes I know I'm rambling but I hope they do not fall out with me for giving you this." Grissom had put the number into his phone and rang the number. They both sat anxiously waiting for someone to answer the phone.

"When is the best time to ring do you know?" Grissom asked as they listened to the ringing.

"They normally ring me, just before I start my shift so about now."

"Jim, I'm taking some time off, I'll see you in a few days." Grissom called as he left the diner with the napkin with Sara's address written on it clutched tightly in his hand.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Grissom sat quietly in a hire car nervously watching the small house he had parked down the road from. It was early morning and the gray clouds drifting in from the sea meant that it was still almost dark. Grissom could not work out how long it was since he had slept but it was catching up with him, he knew that it had been at least 12 hours from being woken from his dream by Heather before he got on the first plane out of Las Vegas, he had lost track after that as he changed planes four times and gone through a time change he really could not tell weather he should be awake or asleep. He did know though that the people if there were any in the house he was watching must be asleep all the curtains were closed and the lights looked to be off. Resting his head back on to the rest of the seat Grissoms eyes slowly closed he could not fight it any longer.

When he woke it was obviously at least a couple of hours later as it was light and the clouds were beginning to clear. Grissom cleared his head and looked up at the house that still seemed quite, as he studied the house more closely he realised that someone must be in as some of the curtains had been opened upstairs. He looked at his phone wondering weather he should just try ringing again, but coming all this way just to phone from outside the door really was a waste of time. He had felt after the dream that he needed to make contact with Sara and when there had been no answer on the phone he was compelled to arrange flights to get to her to make sure she was ok, but now he had been sitting there for, what must be around 3 hours.

Suddenly he was pulled from his thoughts by movement at the front of the house. He froze in his seat unsure what he wanted or needed to do, watching Ellie come first through the front door, then across the screened porch and out of the screen door. He thought for a moment that she would see him as she walked past and the thought of hiding, but she skipped across the road and disappeared down a path at the side of the house opposite. He sighed out loud with relief.

Grissom had been so busy watching Ellie that he had not seen Sara follow her out of the house in to the screened porch. He turned in time to watched her carefully prop the front door open with a low stood and then walk along the porch to a sofa at the end furthest from his car, she was carefully carrying something and slowly sat with it on her lap. Grissom was not sure if he should go to her or be satisfied that he could now see that Sara and Ellie where both fine.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Grissom sat as still as a statue in the car watching Sara, even from this distance he could see from her face that she was happier than he had seen her in nearly two years. She was relaxed and comfortable sitting there far away from Las Vegas and the lab and far away from him, his own throughts made him sad, mad him want to return home.

He reached to turn the key in the ignition to leave he could see she was alright and that Brass had been right when he said he should not upset her, but he could not do it, he could not turn the keys and drive away she was there in front of him and he just wanted to talk to her find out what she was doing and if she really was as happy as she looked with out him.

Grissom resigned himself to the fact that he was not going to be able to drive away without talking to her it was impossible for him. He slowly wiped his hand across his face and through his hair trying to straighten himself up before seeing her. Glancing in the mirrors he realised it was futile and he would just have to face her as he was or leave knowing that she was not being tortured as he had thought she might be after his dream.

Grissom reach down and released the door hoping that she would notice him at any moment and call to him somehow make the first move, he felt like he was suddenly very out of place and imposing himself on her world that he was no longer a part of.

He quietly shut the door and pulled at his clothes in an attempt to straighten them out, he looked up to where Sara was sitting still busy with the bundle in her lap. He slowly walked along the grass at the front of the house next to hers and then along the edge of her lawn watching her as he went all the time expecting her to look up and notice him.

He paused as he came inline with the path up the middle of the garden. He could see Sara more clearly now she looked so relaxed and somehow peaceful he turned away for a second. As he turnred back to have a last look he realised what Sara had in her lap. She had lifted a tiny baby to her chest to feed it. He turned back away to leave, but she had now seen him.

"Gil? Gil, is that you?" He turned back at the sound of her voice; all that he could do was nod his head to acknowledge that she was right it was him. "What are you doing here?"

"I … I.." telling her why she was really there seemed so ridiculous now he was stood in front of her. "I wanted to see that you are ok, getting on alright." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Well are you coming in or have you come all this way to stand at the end of the garden path? " Grissom tapped the toe of his shoe on the footpath momentarily debating what to do, before slowly strolling up the front path. He paused at the top of the two steps before the screen door. "Its open" Sara prompted, and he reached to push it open.

He let the door swing shut behind him and he stood just inside. Watching Sara still nursing the tiny child in her arms, he let his gaze rest on the baby's face. Sadness fell over his face he knew they should have had this together and that it was in his mind his fault that they hadn't, that they had found this happiness with someone else.

"Come in, I think there is someone that you should meet." Grissom moved slowly along the porch. "Sit down" Sara indicated a chair next to where she was sitting. The baby pulled away from her, gently falling to sleep. Sara quickly covered herself and lifted him up on to her shoulder. "His" Sara indicated her head to the side the baby rested on "name is James Warrick Grissom" She almost whispered. Grissoms mouth fell open in surprise.

"He's mine?" He quietly responded.

"Of course who else's would he be, you thought I was with someone else, oh Gil sorry I was going to tell you about James, it was just sorry complicated."

"I have a son and after all the bad we have been through in the last two years you didn't tell me about the only good thing?" He was still keeping his voice low but she could hear the anger and hurt and see it in his face and his eyes that he would not bring to her face.

"It was not like that, please let me tell you" She pause just long enough to let him nod his head. "I found out when we were on the boat. Ellie and I decided that after what happened to Warwick and you not wanting to come away with me" Grissom took a Sharpe in take of breath "we decided, that we would get right away and do things that we had always wanted to do, I wanted to experience practical science that did not involve death and crime that might still help people and Ellie wanted to travel the world, she saw the ad in the paper getting a crew together for the science ship and we just went for it. It was great to start with all we had hoped for, but then I started getting sick we had been on board about a month, nearly two months after I left Vegas again." Sara paused and took a sip from a bottle of water on the table; Grissom sat silently waiting for her to continue. He still did not make eye contact with her he just watched the baby sleeping peacefully in her arms.

"I went to the ship doctor and he gave me sea sickness pills they helped a bit but he wanted to look further when I was not getting over it, and he found that I was pregnant."Sara took a deep breath "All I wanted to do was phone and tell you,but…. But" tears welled up into Sara's eyes "Your phone was flat or turned off,………so I phoned the house but there was no answer." Sara paused again taking a sip of water. "so I tried the lab I really wanted to tell you I promise I did, but when I spoke to Judy she said you had just left with your friend Heather, she assured me that she was helping you on a case, but you walked back into the lab while I was on the phone Judy called to you, but I heard you laugh in the back ground. It had been so long since I made you laugh so I hung up I wanted you to be happy to laugh like that with Heather. So I convinced myself that the pregnancy would fail and I would just make you more miserable so I sent the video."The tears slowly ran down Sara face, she stood quickly and entered the house.

Grissom was not sure what to do and just sat silently, staring at the seat she had just left.

"I was going to tell you, Jim's coming in a few weeks I was going to send this back with him for you, I wanted to let you enjoy James with out messing up your life with Heather." Sara handed him a Scrapbook album, He opened it up as he started to speak.

"There is nothing between me and Heather I promise. She helped me on a case and then you sent that email and I couldn't go home anymore, it was hard enough before the message. Going home just to Hank when it should have been so different, every time I walked through the door I could picture you there, so I stayed with her." Grissom stopped talking as he realised what was on the first page of the scrapbook, his mind span back two years to the joy he had felt when Sara had first shown him that picture.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Sara had taken the night off because she hadn't been feeling well and when he got home to the silent house, the photograph was sat on the kitchen counter, a picture of a positive pregnancy test and a note:

Gil,

I didn't mean this to happen, but I don't think I can get rid of it, its us part of both of us made in love.

I will be out with Hank so you can think.

Sara.

XXX

He had pulled out his phone and asked her to come home he wanted the baby, with her. They had been called to the delancy murder minutes after she had returned with the dog.

The next picture in the scrapbook was the first scan. She was twelve weeks pregnant and they were having a hard time trying to decide what to do about there careers. Grissom went on sebatical the day after the scan thinking that he would leave the lab to teach long term when they had to come clean about their relation ship.

Tears started to run down his face as he turned the page knowing what was coming next. He had been home a week when they felt the baby move for the first time, making it real the love he felt for Sara and there child at that moment was unbelievable, in a rare moment of pure sillyness he had taken a picture of Sara's still almost flat stomach, she had put the picture in his scrap book. But days later he got the call from Greg that Sara was in hospital and asking for him after they were in a building that had not been cleared and Sara had been knocked down the stairs . The next page held a copy of his son's miniature hand and footprints having been born at just twenty weeks he was too small to survive. Sara knew that he found Toby's picture to painfull to look at and had not put one in his book although he knew she had some I in her scrapbook.

He took a moment to compose himself looking from the tiny hand print on the page to James hand curled around the top of his blanket. Although he new turning the page would break his heart more he new he had to go on. The next page was much like the first a photograph of a positive pregnancy test. He remembered that being taken, they sat together waiting for the result to appear, they had not ment to get pregnant again so soon, they had been advised not to but things just happen sometimes and when it showed positive they felt that it was the right thing there lives were changing fast at that time and this was the time to change it for the better. "My little Girl" he whispered. Sara smiled he had always thought that her second pregnancy had been a girl from the moment they got the positive result.

Tears flowed freely down Grissoms face now and Sara's face mirrored his. He turned the next page, Sara had had a scan at 6 weeks because of the way she had lost Toby and it only being weeks after getting out of hospital after Natalie, she had framed the scan picture in pink for him even though there was no way of telling it was a girl. Grissom remembered starng at that picture in its pink frame for hours wondering how he could make there lives perfect after all they had been through, he wanted to ask Sara to marry him, he wanted that child more than he had ever wanted anything in his life.

The weeks that followed that scan had been the best in his life, he had asked Sara to marry him, not quite in the mannor that he had discussed with the picture of his daughter but she had agreed and they had just gone out and got married and not told a sole. Those few weeks were the happiest in his whole life.

Grissom did not want to turn the page he so wanted to change time for there to be more scans of that baby and a life after but it had ended. The doctors said it was just too much for Sara's body to cope with after Toby and Natalie, Sara was convinced that her life was cursed and that it was punishment for her letting her mother kill her father. Gissom had been so wrapped up in his own grief that he had not realised how hard Sara had found things she seemed to be throwing herself into her work really taking a interest in the Marlon West case which was more that he could bring himself to do, but he had been wrong she was not coping.

"Please turn the page it gats better from there, we will always remember and love them but we must look forward, look at James." Sara spoke barely above a wisper and he was not sure if he imagined her speaking until she spoke again "Go on the next page."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Finally, Grissom turned the page. There was not a picture of a home pregnancy test that he had expected on the next page, there was a page of test results from Sara's doctor one telling her that she was pregnant. It looked to Grissom like the results they get in the lab and it didn't seem quite the right way for Sara to find out she was pregnant, but he dismissed his thoughts and turned the page.

He had expected to see an early scan, but the next picture was a twenty week scan. He looked over at Sara; she knew what he was asking.

"We were at sea I didn't have a scan until twenty weeks. We came here to see if they would give me a job, I couldn't stay on the boat with a baby. A friend said we should come here, they welcomed us with open arms sent me to the doctors for a scan after my interview and offered Ellie a job too." Grissom just nodded and turned the page, this time it contained a letter to him.

Dear Gil,

I know I should not have kept this from you, but I want you to be happy I don't want to put you through the loss and pain again, when I am sure it is going to be ok I will send this letter.

I'm 21 weeks pregnant. I felt the baby move for the first time today when I climbed in to bed. I have never missed you as much as I did at that moment alone in my bed, feeling the life we had created together moving inside me and not being able to share it with you. That is why I am now sat at the kitchen table at 2 in the morning, writing you this letter.

I had a scan last week everything was fine and they told me I am having a boy, I know you would prefer a daughter, but I think I secretly wanted a boy, its funny no one knows but me, you should know too but you weren't there, so you don't.

I hope you are happy and that you can forgive me for keeping this from you until now.

Sara.

Grissom could see the tear stains spotted all over the letter and he thought back to when they had felt Toby move and could imagine how upsetting that night must have been for her. He looked up and saw the tears flowing down her face and dripping on to James' blanket. He could not help himself he reached across and wiped the tears away with the back of his hand, before turning the page again.

Sara sighed at the contact it felt so good to be touched by him if only for a second, she knew that there were only a few more pages in the book and then she would get his reaction. Would he be angry, sad, happy she had no idea?

The next page Grissom came to was another scan picture this time of James' face, labelled 32 weeks at the top, he looked from the picture to the child sleeping in Sara's arms. It was hard to tell that they were the same child the fuzzy grainy scan picture and the perfect little face in front of him.

Grissom took a deep breath before turning the next page, he expected to see his son's first picture after birth, but the difference between that picture and the child in front of him would tell him how much of his son's life he had missed out on. He turned the page it was titled Day one and there was a picture of James in a hospital bassinette wrapped tightly in a cellular blanket much as he was now. He was a little red in the face in the picture although his complexion was pale now.

Grissom studied the picture and the baby in front of him for several minutes making comparisons and finding only tiny differences, a scratch on the side of his check a couple of small milk spots on his bottom lip, but the same the picture had not been taken that long ago.

He turned the page again, Day Two, it contained a picture of James laying in a crib still swaddled tightly in his blanket, but with is eyes open this time. He turned the page again and Sara watched him very closely he seemed to be trying to work something out but she was not sure what I would be thinking about. This page just had a title Day Three, Grissom just starred at the page for a few moments until the silence was broken by Sara speaking.

"Maybe he could have his picture taken with his Dad to go on that page." Sara asked still trying to work out what he was thinking.

"Day three, that's today he's only three days old?" For the first time he looked into Sara's eyes wanting to read her answer rather than hear it.

"Yes, well nearly he was born in the evening. I was not going to keep him from you for long but when I had kept it secret so long I couldn't tell you on the phone or in a letter. I was going to get Jim to do it for me, after his visit."

"Does Jim know?" Grissom asked surprised that his friend would have been able to keep this a secret.

"Oh no I meant he would meet James when he comes to visit and than he would not be able to keep it from you. I'm sorry I should have told you."

"When you first told me he was mine I was angry that you had kept it from me, but I think I know why you did it. I wanted to come after you so many times I regretted letting you go but you said that you were happy and you being happy was more important to me than what I felt, and that was all you wanted for me. If the pregnancy had not worked out again you were saving me from the pain, you thought I was happy with Heather and wanted that for me. I should be grateful really not angry or hurt, we have had a rough few years, lets put that behind us move on with James leave as much of the hurt behind as we can."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Grissom looked into the eyes he had grown to know so well over all the years they had known each other and he felt like he was whole again, he was not meant to be apart from her, really he had realised that in the week before she sent her video message, but he had resisted acting on his feelings after that. Now there was no chance in his mind that they would be apart again.

Although Sara had become good at reading his expressions she was not sure what she was seeing, she had expected a bad reaction when he found out about the baby but she had expected him to be thousands of miles away, but he was here in front of her and all she could see was sorrow and love.

"Would" Sara's voice croaked out and she coughed to clear it "would you like to hold him" She indicated her head to James still asleep in her lap. "I could take that picture for your scrap book?" He did not seem to register she was speaking for a few seconds. Then he held out his hands towards them before he spoke.

"There is nothing I would rather do right now. May I?" Sara Gently placed the baby in his hands that rested on her lap. "Oh god, he's so small, I might hurt him." His hand remained rested on Sara's lap with the baby sleeping on them.

"Here you will be fine, close this hand around his head and shoulders and lift" Grissom did as he was told and lifted his son off her lap and held him up in front of his face, examining him more closely now there faces were only inches apart. James shifted slightly in his blanket and opened his eye.

"Oh, Sorry Sara I woke him up" he expected the child to start to cry but he didn't he just looked back.

"The nurse said if you hold him in your arms he is close enough to be able to tell that he is looking at a face, he can see you, talk to him."

"Hi there I'm your Daddy, sorry I didn't come sooner but it's along way down here from Las Vegas." James just blinked at him, still focusing on his face. "What do I do now?" He asked Sara. "I don't really now what to do with such a small child; I never really got close to one before."

"He's the first new born I held too, but you get used to it really quick. You don't have to do anything, I feed him about every two hours it seems, change his nappy and clothes and cuddly him that's it really. I think it gets a bit more complicated later." She smiled at him as he seemed to be relaxing, adjusting James on his lap so that he was cradled in his arms.

"I waited so long for this and now I'm scared to death." He laughed "I pictured you with our children you know that are why I stopped going home, I would walk in and picture you in the kitchen with Toby and a baby girl, but they were bigger than this, I think I'll be better at this when he gets a bit bigger."

"Do you want me to take him back?" She asked holding out her hands.

"No, no, I'm fine unless you need to feed him or something." He answered holding his son closer to his chest.

"Don't worry he will tell you loud and clear if he wants feeding, he screams if his nappy wants changing as well." Sara smiled it felt so good seeing them together. "Will you be ok for a minute if I go and get something to eat and drink, do you want anything?" She asked slowly standing.

"I think I can manage, your not going far are you." He looked a little nervous.

"No the kitchen it just behind you, the window is open, do you want anything?" Grissom looked up to see the window behind his head slightly open.

"I'll have what ever you have if that's ok?"

"I will not be long" Grissom watched her walk along the porch and into the house through the open door, and he turned his attention to the baby who's eyes were still open and looking up at him. They could hear Sara quietly pottering in the kitchen, and Grissom relaxed back into the chair feeling much more comfortable holding the baby, and happy that he could hear Sara close by.

"Hope a salad sandwich and fruit tea is ok for you?" Sara asked as she came back through the door with a tray of food.

"Sounds great, I suddenly feel starving when I heard you making it in the kitchen. I can't remember the last time I had anything to eat, not since I left Las Vegas, I think." Grissom suddenly realised that he had not eaten in over two days, he racked his brains he had drunk a lot of coffee and water but he could not remember eating anything.

"Well this is not going to be enough then." Sara commented indicating the sandwiches, as she put them on the table and returned to the kitchen.

"Sara its fine I was not even hungry until you mentioned food." Sara did not seem to hear him. He could hear her in the kitchen again pulling things out of the fridge, and appearing with another tray.

"I have a fridge full of food that people have given us since the baby was born, start with this" to his surprise she handed him a tray with pate and meat pie on it. "We will not eat that and we have a few portions of meat lasagne in the fridge as well I will heat it up start with that." She disappeared into the kitchen, he was powerless to stop her she did not respond to his verbal protests and although he was feeling more comfortable holding the baby he was not ready to try standing up and walking or laying him down on the chair, he was stuck and he suspected that Sara new that.

Sara appeared minutes later with a steaming plate of lasagne. "Thank you. You did not have to do this for me I would have been fine with the sandwich." He protested as to his surprise he put the last cracker and pate in his mouth having eaten the pie. Sara took the plate away and placed the hot food in front of him.

"I think maybe you should let me hold the baby for a few minutes while you eat the hot food" Sara said holding her arms out. Grissom reluctantly handed the baby back to her, his arms felt cool and empty as she took him.

"I expect to have him back when I have eaten, so you can drink you tea." He told her as he put the first fork full of food in his mouth.

"No problem. I think this is the longest he has ever been awake. Isn't it James?" She said rubbing her nose against his and kissing his forehead. "He's only been awake for a minute or two before when he isn't feeding or crying." As if on queue James eyes gently drifted shut. "So you only like staying awake for you Daddy do you." Sara smiled down at the sleeping baby.

"He could probably sense that I was scared to death that I was going to drop him or squeeze him too tight." Grissom chuckled, as he quickly forked more food into his mouth. "This is really nice. Did people really just give you food?"

"Yes, it seems to be a tradition around here anyone has a baby and everyone gives them food for a few weeks, one of the wives of someone I work with had a baby a few weeks after we got here I think they have only just started cooking for themselves again." Sara laughed. "Our fridge has never been so full." Sara smiled at him and sighed "Gil, I'm glad you're here and that you have been so good about me not telling you about James, but why are you here and how did you find me?"

"I…this is going to sound so insane." Grissom replied mopping up the last of the sauce with the edge of his salad sandwich. "Please don't hold this against me. I had a dream, well a nightmare really, and this is going to sound even more mad than it did before, I think I dreamt about you being in labour it was certainly about the same time. You were screaming in pain and Ellie was holding you down, there were other people in the room but I don't know who they were or what they were doing." He stopped and looked at Sara expecting her to laugh at him or be calling for the men in white coats, but she had tears running down her face.

"So you just came to see me?"

"Well I wasn't certain but I had a feeling that Jim was in touch with you, so I asked him and I started to get really worried when he told me you were with Ellie, I did try to ring but there was no answer." He stopped talking again to gage her reaction.

"We were at the hospital for a few hours before he was born and then they would not let me out for 48 hours we only got home last night."

"Well that's why you did not answer. I don't know I was a bit manic I just got your address from Jim and went to the airport to find a way down here. I was just so scared that something had happened to you. In my dream you shouted at Ellie that you wanted me there, and for some reason I had to get to you." Sara looked shocked and pale. "Sara are you alright, I know I seem a bit out of the ordinary but I'm fine now I know you are alright, not mad or anything, I promise I feel like me again now."

"Its not that, its just as if you saw James being born Ellie was holding me down, I got it in my head just before he was born, I mean when they were telling me that I just needed one more push and his head would be out, that I wanted to wait until you were there that I was going to cross my legs and Ellie was going to get you from Las Vegas. So Ellie held me down on the bed and my body just did what it was designed to do while I screamed the place down, telling everyone that they had to get you that I needed you." Sara seemed embarrassed admitting the way she had behaved, and scared that Grissom seemed to have seen that in his dream. "Afterwards I was glad that you didn't see me like that but maybe you did, no that's just too strange and unscientific." Sara shook her head in disbelief.

"I just had a dream, maybe somehow I felt that you needed me, there is a lot of anecdotal evidence that people who are really close can sense when something is wrong with the other, or maybe it was just a dream it happened to be at the same time you were going through all that pain, what ever the reason I am glad that it made me come." He smiled at her.

"So am I, you will never know or probably believe after I kept this from you for so long but I am so happy that you are here." Her smiling face suddenly turned very serious "can you stay at least for a few days."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Well to be honest I don't know. I just sort of took your address from Jim and told him I was taking a few days off. I didn't ring Ecklie or any of the team they do not know where I am or when I will be back. I suppose that I better ring someone." Grissom took his phone out of his pocket.

"You will not get any reception out here, the land line is just inside the front door Jim's number with all the codes is on the cork board above the phone, help yourself." Sara paused as he got up from the chair. "Will you try and stay at least for a short while. Spend some time with James." He smiles at her sad face.

"I will take as long as I can get, to spend some time with you as well as James." Grissom found the phone and the carefully written number for Jim, and decided to phone him first to say where he was and that Sara and Ellie were fine.

Then he phoned Ecklie. He got through to the lab reception and the day receptionist put him through to Ecklie.

"Gil where the hell are you? You can not just disappear like this and leave us all wondering where you are and when you will be back we are short staffed, not to mention that everyone is worried about your out of character behaviour. You will be back at work at the beginning of shift." Ecklie barked down the phone.

"Conrad, nice to talk to you as always. It will be difficult to be back by the return of shift, I had a family emergency and it has taken me over two days to get here I will not be back today. Nor will I start back today I will be taking two weeks leave and if you are not happy with that then fire me." Grissom barked back in the same tone that Ecklie had used.

"Fine, fine have your two weeks but make sure you are back here two weeks from today and expect to face disciplinary action, even you can not just up and leave with out a word. I will see you in my office two weeks for now." Ecklie hung up.

Grissom carefully returned the phone to the hook and walked back out on to the porch, he smiled at Sara who was looking up at him as he came out. "I have to be back in two weeks." He told her.

"So I heard, Ecklie is not too happy it sounded from you end of the conversation?" She smiled back at him, she loved to wind Ecklie up, at times it became a game to her and she often took him along for the ride.

"No he is a little mad at me for disappearing and getting everyone worried, not to mention leaving them short staffed. But do you know I really don't care the lab could burn to the ground or my desk could be completely buried under Ecklies paperwork and I really don't mind I am going to spend the next two weeks with my wife and baby and not think about the Lab at all." Sara grinned at him, with a sparkle in her eyes.

"I bet you can't even go a week with out ringing Catherine to check on everything, no you would take that bet and cheat." Sara was really smiling now and seemed truly happy. "I bet you can not go a week with out checking on the lab." She held out her hand to him.

"Your on I bet I can go the full two weeks with out checking on them, I really think I can do that now, I have been ready for a while to get away from them." He paused and looked at her wondering whether to say what he wanted or not. "Maybe even leave. Please could I have him back now?" He asked holding out his hands to take James back from Sara.

Sara smiled and gently placed the baby in his waiting arms, not sure how to take his last comment, she wanted to believe that he would leave the lab, leave Las Vegas and be with her but if she hoped that she felt sure she would get her heart broken again.

Sara Ate her sandwich and drank her tea, while watching Grissom gazing contentedly in to James' sleeping face, she felt that she could have sat like that forever. Until James cried to be fed.

Grissom watched Sara intently as she fed the baby, taking in every move, every little action that she made to make feeding her child possible, he was amazed. "Gil, do you feel uncomfortable me doing this?"

"What no, its… well it's amazing how you can just do that, that he knows what to do, just like that. Does, does it hurt, I mean he looks to be sucking quite hard?" Sara looked down at James.

"It's more uncomfortable than painful, apparently he is good at it if he does not latch on like he does it would hurt, its strange though, but I suppose I will get used to it." She smiled and looked back up at him. "I am so glad you are here to see and experience this with me. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"No regrets now we have to put that behind us He is here and we are both with him, that's all that matters now not how we got here." He lent over and took her hand in his. "Please don't feel sorry anymore, enjoy this we have waited so long and gone through so much to get here. Please just enjoy it." She squeezed his hand.

"I will. We will. Do you fancy changing your first nappy and then taking him out for he first time, he has not been out yet?" They smiled at each other and sat in a comfortable silence waiting for James to finish.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Grissom liked the idea of a walk until they tried to get the pram out. Simple enough you see people do it all the time, pull it out of the car in the parking lot and it just seems to go up. They discovered that it was not as easy as it looks, after five minutes of struggling they seemed to have the base up and staying up. It took another five minutes to put the carry cot on top.

With James fed and changed they place him in the carry cot, breathing in deeply as they did, ready to catch him if it all collapsed again. With big grins on there faces they started down the garden path.

"Who would have thought these things were so complicated?" Grissom chuckled still examining it as they went to make sure there were no unfastened bits making there way loose. "I think I will be able to do it quicker next time."

Sara laughed "We will just get good at doing this and he will be ready to go in the seat bit instead of the carrycot, and that looks more difficult again. You should have seen me and Ellie trying to put the crib together, we got it up but were so worried that we hadn't do it right that we got all the neighbours in to check it." Sara was bright and smiling as they walked down the street, Grissom could not help reaching out for her hand on the pram handle. She turned and smiled at him "do you want to push you only have to ask?"

"I'd rather share if that's ok?" Sara moved her hand from under his so they had a hand each on the handle and she surprised both of them by slipping her free arm around his waist. He jumped slightly at the contact, so she moved back.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to over step…." Sara was quickly getting emotional.

"You didn't you just surprised me that's all. Oh Sara please don't cry, I love that you pit your arm around me." He stopped the pram and put her arm back around his waist and gently wrapped both his arms around her pulling her into his chest. "It has just been so long, and you surprised me. If I had been a braver man I would have held you in my arms like this the minute I saw you this morning, but I always hang back. Please stop crying." Sara lifted her head and looked into his face.

"Sorry. I'm just a bit sensitive when it comes to you and apparently I am meant to cry on day three it's called the baby blues."

"Now something I have heard of, it's the hormones, so I will just have to hold you like this a lot in the next day or so, the perfect excuse." Sara was smiling again now. "Are you ready to turn around and head back or are we going somewhere?"

"No we are not going anywhere, it seems a waste of effort putting this up for such a short walk but I'm really tired, let's head back."

Grissom left his right arm around Sara's shoulder and put his left hand on the pram handle, Sara followed his lead placing her right hand on the handle and leaving her left arm around his waist. AS they walked back along the street Sara lent in closer resting her head against his shoulder.

"I am so glad you are here. You will never no how much I have missed you in the last two years. I know it was my choice to leave, and it was the right choice I needed to get my head together and I found the right councillor when I left the first time by accident. If I had stayed I would be a mess you know, but it was hard everyday not being with you." Sara suddenly felt able to tell him for the first time in years exactly how she was feeling.

"I know a lot of good came from you leaving. You needed to get away from the lab, I can see that now, I just was not ready to let go of the lab, it was always my safety net if you left me I still had the lab, do you understand what I mean." She squeezed tighter into his side, and turned her head to kiss his check.

"I know you were scared of being left with nothing, and when I was so manic and unpredictable as I was after Natalie I can see that you could not risk everything on being with me. I should have given you another chance given you more time after Warrick died, but I though you were with Heather." Sara started to cry again. Again Grissom stopped the pram and pulled her in tight to his body, although she was crying it felt so good to hold her so close to him again.

"I could get used to this; it's quite nice to stop every few yard to have a cuddle." Grissom joked.

"Please don't tease me, I can't fight back right now, I feel silly busting in to tears, and I feel so tired." She replied into his shoulder.

"Who's teasing we have two years of hugs to catch up on, but lets get you home and into bed before James wants feeding again." Sara smiled up at him through her still falling tear and turned to continue walking home.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

When Ellie arrived home from work she was surprised to find Grissom sat on her porch with James still asleep in the pram.

"What are you doing here? Where is Sara? IS she ok?" Ellie bust out not sure what to make of Grissom's sudden appearance.

"Sara has gone to bed for a bit, she's fine and I am here because I wanted to see Sara. I think that was all you asked?" Grissom and Ellie eyed each other suspiciously, all there previous meetings had been unpleasant on both sides. After several minutes Ellie cleared her throat and tried to clear the air.

"I….I'm sorry for how I was when Dad was shot, thank you for taking care of him, for not letting me make things worse." Ellie took a deep breath. "I have done a lot of things that I am not proud of but, that is behind me now. Sara has changed my life, she arrived at the centre just as I was getting clean, she met my councillor on the plane and he brought her to help out, well that's what he told her, he started counselling her without her even knowing it, but she focused all her efforts on helping me, and didn't even notice she was helping herself. She let me get to know my Dad through her eyes see that he had been a good Dad to her and that all he wanted to do was love me and finally she convinced me to let him, it's the best thing anyone could have done for me." Ellie paused and moved to stand right in front of Grissom looking straight into his face. "She like my sister she sticks my family together and if you do anything to hurt her again you will have me to deal with not to mention Dad, so watch your step." Grissom grinned up at her.

"Its funny all these years all you and Sara and Jim needed was a family and now you are one. I promise I will try my best not to hurt Sara or me again, I want her back if she will have me, I should have come after her sooner I just hope its not too late now. And Ellie I'm glad you sorted yourself out you look great, your Dad must be so proud of you."

"He is. I can't wait to see how proud of him he is when he arrives in a few weeks. What do you think he'll do?" Ellie smiled reaching down to stroke James head. "He's gorgeous isn't he, were you surprised?"

"Well that's two understatements in one," Grissom smiled down at James still sleeping soundly. "I would never have guessed that Sara was pregnant when she left, I wish I had known. It must have been hard for the first few months after last time; I wish I had been here."

"Maybe this was just the way that it was meant to be? She is happy and settled here I don't think she ever could be in Vegas. Even though you and Dad are there, it's not enough to keep her there anymore."

"I know, she can't live in Vegas even if she came back with you and James it wouldn't work would it?"

"No it wouldn't can you handle that?"

"I have too. I think I might have to make some changes in my life don't you?"

"I hope you can. Do you want some dinner? We have allsorts in the fridge, what do you fancy?" Ellie lead the way into the kitchen while Grissom wheeled the pram into the house.

Ellie busied herself in the kitchen, while Grissom sat silently at the kitchen table deep in thought. The silence was only broken when James wake. Sara appeared on the stairs almost instantly before Grissom or Ellie could even pick James out of the pram.

Ellie placed dinner on the table as Sara finished feeding James; Grissom was still sat in silence, but a contented silence it sank in that if they would let him he could get used to being here with them.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Having sat silently throughout dinner watching Sara and Ellie chat, comfortably, he finally spoke. "Is there a clothes shop near here?" They both looked at him it was a very strange question injected into there conversation about the local gossip.

"Yes, on the base and there is one in the local town about twenty miles away, why?" Ellie answered.

"I don't have any clothes with me and I have been in these for far longer than I should have been. I smell." He looked rather embarrassed and glanced down at his crumpled clothes.

"You have nothing with you at all not even some underpants?" Sara was astonished and broke into fits of giggles.

"Its not that funny, and you really will not think it's funny when I start to smell worse."

"The shop on the base should still be open if we hurry what size are you I'll ring them and get some put aside and pick them up before they close?" Grissom gave Ellie his size and she rang to order some clothes catching them just before they shut and she hoped into her car and went to collect what they had.

"I took your robe." Sara almost whispered as Ellie pulled out of the drive.

"I guessed, could I take a shower and borrow it back please, now I have realised how long it is since I showered I can really smell myself." Grissom looked very embarrassed.

"Gil, why did you come down here without any luggage, without anything?" Sara looked on the verge of another fit of giggles.

"I told you the dream, I thought something had happened to you and I had to see that you were alright I got on the first plane I could I didn't give it any thought at all, totally mad and you should probably have me locked up, but I was worried about you I just had to get here." Grissom was stood in the kitchen door way ready to head to the bathroom, Sara rose from the table and walked towards him looking into his eyes to see that he was telling the truth, she reached up and brushed her hand down the side of his face.

"I promise I will not lock you up." Then she pulled a face "But your right you really do smell. You know were the bathroom is your robe is on the back of the door I used it when mine got too small." Grissom was about to touch Sara when she with drew her hand and turned to clear the dishes.

"I'll go and get cleaned up then." He turned and retreated up the stairs into the bathroom.

Ellie arrived back with the clothes just as he got out of the shower, he wrapped himself in his robe and went into Sara's room where Ellie had her purchases laid out on the bed.

"I'm not sure if they are your style but that was all they had in stock in your size." Ellie indicated the bed where she had laid out a pair of jeans, black jogging bottoms, a four pack of dark coloured t-shirts, a four pack of similarly coloured underpants and a pack of socks again in matching colours.

"Well at least I will match." He grinned looking at the matching underpants, socks and t-shirts. "Sara always tells me that I don't have any style." He chuckled almost to himself rather than Ellie, she had left the room and Grissom pulled the door shut as he got dressed.

Once he was clean and dressed Grissom suddenly felt the exhaustion takes over him. He slowly walked down the stairs to find Ellie and Sara in the sitting room reading.

"Do you feel better" Sara asked sniffing as he walked into the room "you smell better" She giggled.

"I do feel better and smell better. But the trip is catching up with me I feel rather tiered now." As if to illustrate the point he covered his mouth to yawn. He wondered over to the book shelf in the corner of the room "May I borrow a book?" he quietly asked.

"Of course help yourself I'm not sure much of what you will enjoy no Shakespeare or poetry I'm afraid, unless you count the lullaby book that James was given." Grissom smiled as he looked at the shelves, it was defiantly Sara's selection a strange mix if very in depth scientific text books although he noted they were not about crime and physics, but ocean sciences, and the smattering of romance novels that she would not usually let anyone know that she loved to read. He was surprised to see that there was a selection of modern classics texts that most people had read in high school and college. Ellie noticed what he was looking at.

"There mine Sara says I have missed out on a lot of reading, while I was off the rails, I'm reading them for fun but I am going to get some qualifications." Ellie looked embarrassed and nervous.

"Is it ok if I have a look at some, it's the sort of thing I need tonight revisiting old friends?" Grissom yawned again.

"No problems help yourself." Grissom selected a few of Ellie's books and sat down on the settee next to Sara. No one said a word but it was a comfortable silence as they all sat reading the only noise coming from Grissom's occasional yawns and James disturbing in his sleep.

The silence was broken by James waking to be fed. Sara gently lifted him out and unwrapped him from his blankets. "The nurse said to try and keep him awake for a bit now and get him into a bedtime routine so he knows the difference between night and day." She explained. Grissom was amazed looking at James fingers and toes now exposed for inspection.

"Everything on him is so tiny, you don't realise until you really look at him, and I have never really looked at a new born baby." Not one that's living he thought to himself.

After feeding James, Sara disappeared upstairs with him and he could hear her running water into the sink to bath him. He wanted to go up and watch but she had not invited him so he stayed sat in the settee with Ellie's books.

It surprised Grissom how long it seemed to take to bath and dress James for bed; it was an hour and a half later when they came back down the stairs. James was in an all in one outfit wriggling in Sara's arms still awake and free of his blankets. "Will you hold him for a few minutes while I get ready for bed?" Sara asked holding him out to Grissom. He nodded and took James from her, laying him across his lap, James' eyes were wide open and watching the movements around him his eyes slowly focused on Grissom's face blinking up at him. Sara returned up stairs.

"Hello, James your wide awake again, I was beginning to think this morning was going to be the only time I saw you awake." He smiled down at his son now still in his lap, except for his blinking eye lids. Before long Grissom found himself blinking back at James.

Sara came back ten minutes later in her pyjamas; James was getting sleepy and starting to fuss in his fathers arms.

"Well James you look ready for bed, supper and then sleep for you little man." She reached her arms out and Grissom past him to her "Say good night to Daddy" she said to James holding him towards Grissoms face so he could kiss him, which he did gently on the cheek.

"Good night James, sleep well."

"Say goodnight to auntie Ellie" Sara said turning so that Ellie could kiss James' cheek.

"You need to eat a lot now young man so you don't have to wake Mommy up too many times in the night" Ellie said looking into James' face.

"Give him chance Ellie" Sara laughed "He has only been home one night; he will get the hang of it but not yet." Sara returned upstairs and Grissom could hear her talking to James as she sat in the chair in her room to feed him.

Ellie rose from the chair and went upstairs too with out a word, Grissom sat as still as a statue not knowing what to do, until Ellie returned a few minutes later with sheets, blankets and pillows to make a bed for him on the settee.

"See you tomorrow." She said as she put everything down in the chair.

"Yes, thank you" He indicated the bedding "Goodnight." He was not sure what he had expected, he was not even sure if he had hoped that Sara would let him sleep with her and James but he suddenly felt very lonely down stairs listening to them above his head.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Grissom woke just before 4.30 in the morning to the sound of James crying. He could hear Sara getting out of bed and James quickly stopped crying. Grissom lay listening for any more sounds from above for a few minutes, before deciding to go to the bathroom.

From the top of the stairs he could see Sara propped up in bed feeding James, she looked up and smiled at him.

"Sorry, did he wake you?"

"I think so but he must have been up before now and I didn't hear him so maybe I needed to get up. Don't apologise." He wanted nothing more than to go and join Sara in her bed, but instead he turned in to the bathroom.

He acted on impulse when he came out of the bathroom and stood in Sara's bedroom door way. Sara was yawning.

"Would you mind some company while you feed him?" Sara smiled as she stifled another yawn.

"That would be nice, I'm fine at midnight and two when he wants feeding but I find it hard to stay awake at this time, its funny two years ago this would be the early evening to me, my body changed back to regular time quickly." Grissom walked into the room slowly, strangely nervous about sitting on Sara's bed. He first sat gingerly on the edge of the bed furthest away from Sara, and reached his hand out to touch James foot which he was wriggling about while he fed.

"We don't bit you know you can sit a bit closer where you can reach him comfortably." Sara mocked his nervousness.

"Sorry, I'm just, well we sort of finished, although it was not what I wanted we can't pretend that did not happen and I don't know how you feel about me being here at all never mind sitting on or in your bed." Grissom looked very uncomfortable but scooted further on to the bed sitting next to Sara lent against the headboard as she was.

"I know it happened but just for now let's enjoy that we are both here with our child and make the most of the time we have together." Sara smiled at him and as he returned the smile Sara felt confident enough to lean against his chest, she was relieved that he followed her lead and put his arm around her. "See we can still feel comfortable together." Sara snuggled in closer as he started to relax.

"If this is inappropriate tell me but I have to tell someone about this." Sara paused and glanced down, "Have you seen my breasts?" Grissom was a little startled by her statement but followed her gaze down.

"Shit Sara what happened they did not look like that last night. Sorry its not that I was looking its just you feeding James and that I would have noticed I'm sure. There huge, really really huge, are they meant to do that is normal." Sara could not help laughing at his reaction and particularly the look of shock and horror on his face, to the extent that James stopped feeding and started to cry. Sara quickly composed herself so that James could latch on again.

"Yes, it's supposed to happen, well they told me that they would get bigger when my milk 'came in' which has obviously happened, but I was not expecting this. It was a bit of a shock when I woke up just before two and they hurt and huge and there really hard, feel." Before he knew what was happening Sara had taken his hand from James foot and placed it on the underside of her free breast. "And there really heavy, see" She released his hand so he could feel the weight, he was shocked at Sara's action and the change in the feel of her body, although he had not touched her for months he still new the feel and texture of every part of her body.

"That's unbelievable, but if that's your milk coming in how have you been feeding James before?"

"Its something called colostrum that new borns need that's why it's important to feed them to start with, but he is meant to go longer between feeds now its milk." Grissoms hand was still rested under Sara breast as he watched James feeding from her other breast.

"Sorry" He suddenly said removing his hand after several minutes. "It's just so amazing how it all happens. I don't mean to stare and don't take this the wrong way but I wasn't staring in a sexual way." James released her other breast.

"Don't worry I understand its new to me too, its nice to have someone to share it with, to experience all the changes, I could have called Ellie in to see what had happened but she did not really know what they were like before. And you can enjoy the experience like an experiment like I do I don't know anyone else that looks at life quite like that trying to see what happens and why and wanting to test experience everything." Sara chuckled and adjusted James to the other side and snuggled them both in closer to Grissom resting her head on his shoulder. She took his other hand and brought it to her empty breast "They really are full of milk see that one feels more normal now that he has fed" Grissom felt it briefly this time and removed his hand, resting it on her hip enjoying the closeness of having her in his arms.

They sat in silence for a while watching James flick his hands and feet about while he fed. A few minutes later Grissom realised that Sara had gone to sleep. He shifted slightly so that she was rested more securely against him and moved his free arm under James head and body to hold him in place while Sara's arms relaxed around her child. A smile spread across Grissom's face for the first time in a long while he felt comfortable and happy.

When James finished feeding and fell asleep Grissom carefully lifted him on to his lap and lay Sara down on the bed. He placed James back in his crib and headed to the door.

"Stay…Please Gil…Stay with me?" Sara sleepily asked from the bed without opening her eyes. He did not have to be asked twice he quickly climbed back into the bed and lay his body against her back putting his arms around her waist to hold her tight.

"Thank you Sara." He whispered into her ear as he fell asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

It was nearly four hours later that James woke them. Sara went to jump out of bed to get him.

"Oh God these things hurt" She moaned grabbing her chest as she sat up.

"Stay there I'll pass him to you." Grissom lifted James out of the crib and he stopped crying straight away. "Oh were you just feeling lonely in there on your own, or are you really hungry." James whimpered as if to say he was hungry, and Grissom handed him to Sara. "I have to use the bathroom" he said as he headed out of the door.

Sara propped herself up in bed again and started to feed James. "Well young man it looks like you listened to Auntie Ellie and gave me a bit more sleep."

"Oh no look at the time" came the shriek from the other bedroom. "I'm going to be late for work clear the way." Ellie shouted as she ran out of the bedroom almost knocking Grissom over as she ran into the bathroom. "Sorry, sorry my alarm didn't go off." She slammed the door shut behind her.

"Well I'm wide awake now I feel like a tornado just blew by." He stared at the bathroom door as he returned to the bedroom.

"Ellie is not very good at getting up in the morning and she's even worse at setting her alarm clock she usually relies on me this is the f first time James and I have slept late since I was 22 weeks pregnant and could feel him moving." Sara was almost laughing again it felt so good to Grissom to see her happy again, it had been so long since she could just see light in everyday events.

Ellie rushed back out of the bathroom with splashes of water still on her face and arms, she stuck her head into the bedroom as she past, "You giggling again Sara, we are going to have to keep these two about they have cheered you up no end." With that she disappeared into her bedroom to get dressed.

"Were you not happy before James was born?" Grissom asked.

"Ahh Gil there is a question I was glad to have left Las Vegas I was glad to have left the lab and I was much happier than I had been before, but I missed you. So much that it kind of left a shadow over everything. Even when I found out about being pregnant, then when I had the scan, I missed you not being there, when he moved for the first time I spent days upset or crying I missed you so much, but I thought you were happy and I knew that when James arrived and I could stop worrying that I would be able to be at least a bit happier having part of you here would make me miss you less. But then you arrived and I have both of you here, even if it is only for a little while." Sara had tears in her eyes but a smile on her face. Ellie dashed out of her bedroom and down the stairs shouting as she flew out of the front door.

"Bye see you all later. More laughing please it's good for you."

"Sara I'm so sorry I should have come with you when you left after warick died but I was not ready to let the lab go. I didn't trust myself to leave and only have you because if I messed it up again I would have nothing. It had been so long since we had been really happy I was scared that I could not make you happy anymore that what you thought was the lab and your fear of the city was not it was just that you did not love me anymore and that you would find that out if I came with you and I would lose even the dream of us, as well as my work and my friends, my family." Tears ran down his face as he finished his speech. Sara shifted James to the other side and lent in to Grissom as she had done in the night, she turned her head and kissed a tear off his cheek.

"I still love you were ever in the world I am or you are, it's nice to be in the same place but I understand what you are saying. You never have been good at taking risks, seeing what might happen without having a strong hypothesise. I will just have to convince you that there is life away from Las Vegas if we want you to leave."

"Do you still want me Sara? If I went back and walked into Ecklies office with my notice, would you have me back could we be a family, you and me and James?" This time the tears were running down Sara's cheeks.

"Oh god yes in a heart beat I would have you back, there is nothing I would rather do than have us be a family." This time when she turned her head to kiss he cheek he captured her lips with his, gently but conveying all the feeling he had for her.

"I Love you so much, I am so sorry I was not ready to do this sooner. You better tell me how I go about getting a job around here. I have a wife and child to support, you know." Sara grinned up at him.

"Your serious you will come and live here with us?"

"Yes, you are settled and happy here, I have waited too long to make my decision to leave to have any say in where we live I will just join you, if you'll have me?" Sara started to cry uncontrollably, shaking so much that James stopped feeding and began to cry hysterically. Grissom was shocked and did not know what to do. After a few seconds hesitation he wrapped them both in his arms and pulled then into his lap holding them as tightly as he could into his chest. James settled quickly feeling safe in his fathers grip but Sara took longer to calm down he held her close stroking her hair and down her back with the hand that was not holding James, then he started to recite poetry in to her ear softly as he had done so many times before when they had been in Vegas, gently kissing her neck in between the words, slowly her sobbing slowed and she stopped shaking.

After several minutes Sara' breathing was returning to normal and she was just giving the occasional sniff into his chest. She had wrapped her arms tightly around his waist and was clinging on as if her life depended on it.

It was ten minutes later that she looked up and met his gaze. He thought she was going to end his dream send him away for good, but instead she kissed him with more passion than he could ever remember her kissing him before.

"I'm sorry." She started to sob again "I just don't seem to be able to stop, please don't let go." She wrapped her arms around his waist again clinging on tight. For want of another idea Grissom returned to stroking her hair and back and whispering in her ear, the poetry seemed to be calming James even if it was not helping Sara.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

It was nearly an hour later that Sara had calmed enough to move from Grissom's lap. He stood up and carefully placed the now sleeping James back in his crib while Sara tried to dry her tears with the edge of the sheet.

"Let me run you a bath, and I'll get you some breakfast while you have a soak we will have you feeling better in no time. Sara's tears threatened to start again.

"Thank you that would be wonderful. " She sniffed just managing to stay in control.

Once Sara was settled in the bath Grissom went to explore the kitchen there was not much food in except the fridge full of dinners, he did find porridge and honey, which he made in the microwave adding a lot more honey than he normally would he remembered reading somewhere that honey was good for women's hormones.

He took the sweet porridge up to the bathroom on a tray with some camomile tea. Sara was laid back in the bath relaxed, but with tears still streaming down her face.

"Do you want some help with your back?" He asked as he balanced the tray on the laundry basket next to the sink. Sara nodded and lent forwards. He lathered some of her shower gel into the sponge and gently massaged her back in circles from top to bottom and side to side, when he had finished he scooped water up in his hands to rinse the soap off. Sara lent back the tears seemed to have stopped flowing for now. "You need to eat." Grissom instructed reaching for the tray. He lifted the mug of tea off and placed it on the side of the bath within Sara's reach as she relaxed back. He carefully took a spoon full of porridge and held it to Sara's lips; she opened her mouth with out thought or comment. He fed her the whole bowl while she soaked in the bath and she drank the tea. Sara remained sitting almost dozing off while Grissom returned the pots to the kitchen.

When he returned to the bathroom she was almost asleep in the now cool water. "Come on out you get." He told her almost lifting her out and wrapping her in a towel. He guided her into her bedroom where she stood and let him dry her and put her back in her pyjamas as if she was a small child. He sat down on the bed and pulled her down into his lap holding her tight again while he rocked her to sleep. It was not until there was a knock at the door that he laid her down with some reluctance and covered her up.

It was a midwife at the door from the local hospital come to check up of Sara and James. Grissom explain what had happened that morning and been reassured that it was normal and not to wake Sara, but she made him get James to be weighed and measured and pocked and prodded. After declaring him to be doing very well she left assuring Grissom that Sara's mood swings would settle down in the next 24-48 hours.

James was happy to fall back to sleep in is fathers arms when the midwife left and Grissom was reluctant to risk disturbing the baby or Sara by moving so he sat watching him sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

The next few days flew by. Grissom found that he enjoyed taking care of Sara, while she took care of James. A week in to his stay he could not put off talking to Sara about his departure.

"Sara I need to sort out my flights back." Sara's face dropped at the mention of him leaving. "And I need to talk to your boss, see if he will give me a job." He added trying to take that look off her face.

"You don't have too, I mean if you don't want to." There were tears in Sara's eyes as she spoke.

"I want to; I want to be here with you. I would not have come if I didn't want to be with you. I know I left it too long. But if you will have me, I am serious about coming to live here with you. I will go back and hand my notice in to Ecklie at his meeting next week, work my notice if he wants me too and then I will be back. For Good." He smiled at her trying to gage her reaction.

"When you said that before I thought it was because I was upset and you wanted to calm me down. You really mean it you" Sara paused to take a breath "You really want me, us. Even though it means leaving the lab? I though you were just enjoying the time we had like I suggested."

"I want you, I want James, I want us, together like it should always have been. I'm sorry, I know I promised that I had stopped hurting you when we got together, but I really will not hurt you again you and me and James together forever, well except the next few weeks. But I promise I will be back as soon as I can be. We are not going to split up again, even by accident." Grissom gently kissed her on the lips "And as I recall you started crying after I told you that I wanted to be with you." She smiled and kissed him back pulling him in close and enjoying the closeness of his body, knowing that they were back on track.

Sara suddenly broke the contact and whirled around and walked quickly into the kitchen calling back to him "If you are serious about this we should give Steve a call now, before you change your mind." He worried for a second that she still did not trust that he was serious, then she turned and he saw the laughter on her face.

"Give me the number" he instructed as he picked up Sara's house phone. He called Sara's boss and he agree to come to the house to talk to them see what options that he could offer Grissom. Grissom hung up the phone.

"He is going to come over for dinner, talk out some options. He wants to meet James." Sara grinned.

"He does not he has the hots for Ellie and the feeling mutual they just will not make a move, sound familiar." She walked up to him and stroked the side of his face. "You ok with James for a little while? I think I better go and warn Ellie that Steve is coming over, she would freak if she comes home and found him in the kitchen." He lent in and kissed her as she pulled the door open.

"We will be fine for a couple of hours just remember there are something's that I can't do for him." She lent over and kissed him again before she set off out of the house.

Grissom sighed as he sat down at the kitchen table with pen and paper, a little nervous at actually writing his resignation letter even though it was exactly what he wanted to do. He settled on simple and too the point.

Director Ecklie

I would like to tender my resignation, due to personal reasons. My family is no longer in Las Vegas and I will be leaving the city as soon as I have worked my notice.

Dr Gilbert Grissom.

He knew he should have more in it specified how long he would work put down his holiday pay he was owed, but he just wanted Ecklie to let him go as quickly and easily as possible, let Ecklie set the terms and he might let Grissom slip away quietly and quickly.

When Sara returned she was bubbly and excited.

"Oh you should have seen her face she didn't know whether to be excited or nervous and then she tried to hid that she felt either from me." Sara burst into fits of giggles.

"Calm down you have turned into a giggly school girl. I know Ellie said laughing is good for you but I don't think she meant at her expense." She looked up at him worried that he was really a cross as his word sounded. He was grinning back at her and at the look on her face he bust out laughing as well, pulling her in to his arms and kissing her on her forehead. "I will go shopping now and get something to cook for dinner. James will need you shortly, I will not be long. Do you mind what we have; he called as he picked his wallet up from the hall table."

"No what ever you want to cook, Steve is not fussy he lives alone and can not cook. He only eats what they serve up in the canteen and no disrespect to Ellie and the canteen staff but it is not that good." She smiled poking her head around the door frame from the sitting room "See you soon." She blew him a kiss which he pretended to catch as he left the house.

Grissom decided to cook vegetable and pork Stroganoffs with rice, he brought a bottle of wine that would go with the food and returned to the house, to find Sara frantically cleaning and tidying.

"Sara should you be dashing about like that I would have done it?" He asked as she dashed across the hall twice while he was taking his shoes off.

"I'm fine, I'm looking forward to tonight, it's going to be good taking about work and I have always wondered what it would be like to have dinner with you and Steve very stimulation conversation he is a passionate about his work as you are, I think you will find him good company." He dashed into the living room again with the vacuum cleaner. Grissom turned the other way into the kitchen resigned to the fact that he was not going to be able to stop her so he might as well get on with the cooking.

Steve was not what Grissom had expected when he arrived. He had expected Sara's boss to be older and more weather beaten. He was however, maybe approaching forty athletic looking with blond hair which would probably be light brown if he did not spend all his time out side in the sunshine most of the year.

"Well the famous Dr Grissom, it's nice to finally meet you, Sara has told us a lot about you over the last few months. I hope you can live up to your billing." Steve smiled greeting Grissom as he entered the kitchen, directed by Sara.

"I hope I will not disappoint." Grissom answered looking rather worriedly at Sara. "What has she been telling you?"

"Oh lot's" Steve teased picking up on the nervousness in the older man. He chuckled as Sara hit him lightly on the arm. "Only joking but she has taught us a lot, and when ever she is asked they all come from you." Steve smiled at them both. "Any way on a more formal footing I am Steve Ball and I am responsible for all the scientists on the base, and I have a few jobs that I can create that you might be interested in."

"Take a seat Steve; can I get you a drink?" Sara interjected.

"Yes a glass of wine would be good, please." He replied as he pulled out a chair from the rather formally laid kitchen table. He had eaten with Sara and Ellie in the past only a few times but never at the table usually on there laps on the porch.

Ellie was upstairs getting ready for dinner when Steve arrived and wondered into the kitchen trying to act casual while Steve and Grissom were discussing job options, she mouthed to Sara, who was stood watching the dinner, over there heads "Is it going well?" Sara just nodded and held glass of wine out to Ellie meaning that she had to enter the Kitchen properly rather than hid in the door way.

"Hi, Ellie." Steve noticed her as soon as she walked across the room, watching her move behind Grissom to join Sara. He studied her as she gently took the offered glass from Sara's hand and put it to her lips.

"You look very nice Ellie." Grissom added hoping to get Steve to focus back on the conversation rather than Ellie. It had the desired effect he turned back to the bits of paper that he had on the table infront of him.

"Thank you." Ellie replied giving Sara a quizzical look.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Sara tossed and turned all night and James would only settle for 2-3 hours at a time, it was the night before Grissom left for Las Vegas and he just lay awake staring at either Sara sleeping or James.

"Sara you know I really don't want to go don't you? I will be back before you know it, and your time will be taken up with Jim's visit." He sighed knowing that she was awake listening.

"Gil, oh, I know but I will miss you and so many things have happened over the years to stop us from being together and happy, that until you are back here, having resigned from the lab and starting your new job I will not totally believe it is going to happen, I think its kind of a built in defence now." She turned and rested her head on his shoulder, and kissed his chest.

"I know things have worked against us before but this time we are in control, we are making the decisions and we know what we want and how to get it. I LOVE YOU and I will not let anything get in the way of that again. Not anything ever again I will leave the lab and fly back down here within a month I promise" Sara wrapped her arm around his waist and squeezed in closer.

"Don't make promised you can't keep Gil. We both know that if there is a crisis just as you are leaving that you will have to stay longer and I am fine with that, but only one if it goes on for months and months I will not be happy." She joked kissing his chest again.

"I will be back as quickly as I can, now get some sleep woman." He started to stroke Sara's hair and back as she relaxed against his body. Sleep came to him quickly now that Sara was laid against him. As he dozed off he repeated "I will be back, I will be back," Sara fell asleep to the sound of his mumbling repeatedly into her hair.

No one wanted to get out of bed the next morning Even James slept late, he had picked up on his parents' anxiety and it had worn him out getting up so many times in the night. It was gone nine in the morning before he woke them. Sara glanced at the clock as Grissom got James out of the crib.

"It's a good job Ellie took today off or she would be very late to work by now." She tried to smile but all she really wanted to do was cry, she only had 3 hours before he would leave for the airport and she still felt that something was going to happen to stop him from coming back.

James fussed and didn't feed well and he was then unsettled again not wanting to sleep. When they took him down stairs while they had breakfast.

"What's up with him?" Ellie asked having just got out of bed to the smell of Grissom cooking breakfast. "He looks as miserable as you two; he's a bit young to know what's happening isn't he?" Sara smiled down at James rubbing his tummy to see if he had wind that she could relieve.

"Baby's are good at sensing when something is wrong, and I read that book you brought Sara, it says that when she's stressed it changes the taste of her milk like when she ate curry last week he didn't like that."

"Really, me being upset can make it taste different?" Sara asked.

"That's what it said in that book Ellie got. All sorts of things can make it taste different to him, what you eat, how you feel if you have rubbed anything on your skin that can be absorbed all sorts of things." Grissom smiled at Sara's astonished face.

"I think I better read that book. Unless you want a phone call every time I want to do something to see if it will affect James?" She managed to smile back at him.

"Don't read it then I'll take it with me then you'll have to call me all the time." He way grinning but his eyes were sad and glistening with a few tears.

"That sounds like the best plan, but I will…." Sara was stopped as her tears streaked down her and she was struggling to get her breath over the lump in her throat. Grissom thrust the spatula he had in his hand at Ellie and crossed the kitchen to take Sara in his arms, he pulled her into his chest as tightly as he could letting her tears soak into his shirt. He tried to speak but he had no words to make this better and tears started to flow down his face, and drop on to the top of her head.

Ellie tried to concentrate on the pancakes that Grissom had been cooking, but the sadness from them filled the kitchen and she found tears welling up in her eyes and James soon started to cry as well.

"Well James look at the state of all of us." Ellie cooed as she picked him up, while Sara and Gil held on to each other as tightly as they could. "Were you feeling left out we will have a cuddle while we get these pancakes on to the table." She told James laying him in one arm as she tipped the last pancake on to the stack and put the plate in the middle of the table. "Come and eat while it's hot." She tried to joke.

They sat and ate in silence Grissom reaching across and squeezing Sara's hand every few minutes. He stood when he had eaten and without a word he went upstairs to get showered and dressed. He carefully folded his pyjamas and put them under the pillow on Sara's bed. He took two pairs of socks and underpants out of the draw and two t-shirts out of the wardrobe along with his jeans. Slowly he put on one set of cloths and put the spares in a small bag along with a book that Sara had brought him to read on the trip back. Still with out a sound he went back down stairs to join Sara and James on the porch picking up the book that they had talked about over breakfast off the table and put it in his bag as well. Sara smiled weakly. James had fallen asleep on her lap and seemed a bit more settled than he had before.

"Can I give him a cuddle before I go?" Grissom asked barely loud enough to be heard as he sat down next to them on the swing seat they occupied. Sara gently passed James over and lent into grissoms side as well he held James in his left arm and pulled Sara in tighter to his side with his right. He could feel the tears falling from Sara's eyes soaking into his shirt again. "I will miss you so much that it hurts already, I will ring when I get to the airport and every airport until I get back to Las Vegas. The first thing I am going to do is hand my notice into Ecklie and then I am going to start packing and get some things shipped down here think, while I'm on my way back if there is anything you want from the house? I will have everything else packed up and put in storage. I'm sure Heather will keep Hank she has been looking after him for the last few months anyway; I haven't done anything for anyone or anything really. As soon as Ecklie tells me how long he wants me to work I will book the flights and ring you with the details." With each statement that Grissom made Sara nodded into his chest, looking only at James innocent sleeping face. "I will find out from Jim as soon as I see him what his flight details are so you have something to look forward too he should be here by the end of the week from what he said to Ellie might even have left before I get back, maybe he is going to surprise you and turn up today or tomorrow." Sara lifted her head and tried to smile at him, he lent down and captured her lips with his moving his hand up to the back of her head to pull her in closer and deepen there kiss.

Ellie came out onto the porch and coughed. "Sorry Gil its time you should be going you don't want to miss the flight and go through all this again tomorrow do you." He released Sara's head and slowly she released his lips.

"Thanks Ellie, would you take James for a minute?" He asked as he stood from the swing, holding James out towards her. She just nodded and took James in her arms he immediately started to fuss again and Ellie took him inside.

Grissom held his hands out to Sara and pulled her up off the swing. She slipped her arms around his neck and started to kiss him again, pushing her body against him, trying to feel as much of him as possible before he was gone. She tangled her hands into his hair, as his hands roamed her back and neck.

"Sara I have to go" He said pulling back to get his breath. She lent in again taking his lips, and rubbing her hips against his groin enjoying the feel of his erection starting to grow. He wished she had started this earlier, he had not wanted to push her into anything sexual and until now she had not offered. He groaned into her kiss as she ground her hips into him again. This time she broke for air.

"I know I just wanted to give you another reason to make sure you come back." This time despite the tears she really smiled at him. "When you come back I will not be a tease I will finish this." She lent in one last time and took his lips again she could feel his body tensing as he tried to gain back control. She broke away and pulled out of his grip. "Bye Gil see in a few weeks" She picked up his hand and kissed the back of it, then she turned and went into the house. He was left on the porch alone and aching for her touch. He went to follow her into the house, but realised that she was trying to make it easier on herself, so he picked up his bag and went and got in his hire car.

He glanced back at the house and saw Sara back on the porch holding James in her arms. She waved and lifted James hand for him to wave. Grissom wound down the window and blew two kisses across the lawn at them.

"I love you see you soon." He called as he drove away.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Grissom slowly walked into the lab half an hour before he was due to meet with Ecklie exhausted from his trip and wishing that he had not returned to Las Vegas. Not looking where he was going he walked into someone.

"Well the vanishing act returns" Brass greeted him. "I have not told anyone that I knew where you were or with whom. Thought you would want it kept quiet. How are my girls then?"

"Good they are looking forward to your visit. They have a few surprises for you. When is your flight anyway, they are dying to know when you are arriving?" Grissom was feeling better having bumped into his friend.

"I fly in about 4 hours that's why I am here finishing up a few bits before I go. I didn't give them any details because I am bound to miss one of those connecting flights and leave them waiting for me, so I thought I would just arrive. That seemed to work for you. I have not spoken to Sara much about you, but Ellie thought you two where ok, back on track maybe?" Jim looked quizzically into his friends face.

"I have here," Grissom waved an envelope in his hand "My resignation, I will offer to work my notice but as soon as Ecklie ok's it I am off. Back to Sara, living and working together, everything." Grissom was grinning.

"I'm glad it's about time. I am so glad that you are back together I hope you two can be happy together now, no lab getting in the way."

"We will, I know what is important now, family and life not this place, you will see that when your down there." Grissom smiled knowing that Jim would be met by more family than he counted on.

"I already know that, those two are my family, I am going to make it official, I have had papers written up by a judge to make them legally my daughters, and they just have to sign them in front of a judge."

"Ellie is your daughter?"

"Yes, but not in blood you know that and I was doing it for Sara so I wanted to show Ellie that I want her as well. You know after everything?" Jim smiled sadly.

"They will like that, you all needed a family and now you have one." Grissom grinned again and Jim looked at him suspiciously. "I have to go I have a meeting with Ecklie, I probably wont see you before you go will I? So have a good time and take a good book it's a long trip." He smiled and walked past Jim.

"See you when I get back good luck with Ecklie." Jim walked out of the building.

Grissom walked around the corner and was met Ecklie.

"Well, you're here, there are a few around here thought you had burnt out and would not be back." Ecklie commented with out expression, leaving Grissom unsure whether he was joking or not. He walked away to his office without a word, Grissom followed.

Ecklie sat down behind his desk and indicated for Grissom to take a seat. Which he did, holding his resignation in his lap.

"Well are you going to tell me where you have really been, you do not have any family so don't give me that excuse." Ecklie was not being very friendly.

"Well it seems that contrary to your belief you do not know everything about me, and you have forgotten some that you did know. You may have forgotten but I have a wife, not many people knew but you did. You do not need to know anything else. Here is my resignation, as it says in my letter I will work for whatever period you require, but I am leaving." Grissom nodded and left the room.

As he had promised Sara Grissom returned home and started to pack things that he wanted to move with.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Grissom was surprised to be met again by Ecklie sat behind his desk, when he entered his office to start his shift.

"What ever is going on with you this is your last chance to reconsider this." He held up his letter of resignation. "If you will not reconsider I will need 4 weeks to organise the shifts and get a replacement." Ecklie stood up and left the office. From the door he said "You have 20 minutes to change your mind." And he was gone.

Grissom sat at his desk and looked on the internet to make his flight reservations for four weeks time, and then he picked up the phone to tell Sara.

"Hi, its me, I just got to work, Ecklie wants me to work four weeks I have just booked my fights for four weeks tomorrow." He finally drew a breath.

"Hi, to you too." Sara chuckled. "You in a rush or you just want to get all that out before you change your mind."

"Not a chance, but shift will be starting in a few minutes and they don't even know I'm back yet." He replied half joking.

"Haven't you seen anyone yet?" Sara sounded surprised.

"I only got back this afternoon. I saw Jim when I came to my meeting with Ecklie, but I have not seen anyone else yet. "

"When is he coming did you ask him?" Sara asked.

"Well I am not meant to tell you." He paused "but I love you more than him." He laughed enjoying the teasing and the sound of her frustrated breath down the phone. "His flight out of Vegas left about ½ an hour ago, but he is convinced that he will miss one or two connections." He laughed "so he did not tell you when he would arrive." Sara giggled down the phone, and Grissom could hear Ellie shout in the background.

"You're giggling again, it must be Grissom."

"I better go, start my shift I will call you when I get off." He paused about to hang up when he decided to do something they did not normally do. "Sara I Love you and I miss you." He heard Sara sob slightly at the other end of the phone. "Sorry I didn't mean to upset you."

"No, never be sorry for telling me how you feel, we have found it so hard to do that, your right we should do it more often. I love you Gil and we both miss you, have a good shift stay safe." She hung up the phone.

Sara's comment about staying safe made him realise that even if he only had four weeks to work he had to make sure his paperwork was in order so that Sara and James would be taken care of if anything happened to him, he riffled though his draws trying to find his file of personnel forms.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

The next few weeks flew by, when Grissom was not at work he was packing up the house until he was exhausted and collapsed in to bed. One evening he was woken by a knock at the door.

"Hey Jim, your back, come in." He stepped aside to let his friend in to the house.

"Well you can keep a big secret can't you?" Jim joked as he walked past him and into the kitchen.

"Well it was not hard I only saw you for a moment when I came back before you went. Were you pleased with your surprise?" He joked back.

"Was I ever, I now officially have not only two daughters, but a grandson and apparently a son in law? James is great though lucky for him he looks more like his mother than his father." He teased.

"I know he's beautiful, but I think you can tell he's mine?" Grissom poured coffee into two cups with out even asking if Jim wanted any and handed it to him.

"I'm pleased for you and I was not talking about James when I said you were good at keeping a secret I can't believe you kept the fact that you and Sara got married a secret for two years. Have you told anyone at the lab about James and Sara?" Jim studied his face, as he asked.

"No, not really. I filled in the paper work for personnel that I have a child, I added Sara as my wife when we got married. I don't know what to say to my team, when I tell them about James I will have to tell them I am leaving and I don't want all the drama that will cause." Gill sighed and took a sip if his coffee.

"You leave in two weeks right you have to tell them, you can't just finish shift and say goodbye I will not be coming back."

"What would I say to them, well to Catherine mainly?" Grissom asked Jim just shrugged his shoulders.

***********

Grissom did not have to find a way to tell Catherine she was sat behind his desk when he arrived to start his shift.

"Evening Catherine what do I owe the pleasure of your company too?" He asked as he spotted her.

"You're leaving." She told him.

"Yes, I am, in two weeks how do you know?"

"Ecklie introduced me to your replacement. Why are you leaving, please tell me you are going to find Sara?" Catherine paused studying his face. "Where you with Sara when you disappeared?"

"Yes I was and yes I am going to Sara." He smiled thinking about going back to Sara it felt like thinking about going home.

"Why now is she ok did something happen to her when you just up and left?" Before Grissom could answer Nick knocked on the door.

"Are we working tonight or are you two just going to stay in there chatting?" Grissom took the slips off his desk infront of Catherine and followed Nick out of the office.

****************

Hours later Grissom slumped into his desk chair nearly at the end of shift. Then he looked around his desk for any paperwork that needed to be completed before he went home. On the corner of his desk was a photograph of Sara and James, obviously taken and placed there by Jim as James was bigger than when he had seen him two weeks before.

Grissom picked up the picture and ran his finger over there faces. Catherine knocked on the door and entered he did not even notice her. She coughed loudly.

"What you got there some evidence?" She asked when she still got no reaction to her presence.

"No" He almost whispered, "my family" he held the picture out to her. Catherine walked closer to the desk so she could take what he offered her. She took the frame in her hand tuning it to face her, expecting to see an old picture of his parents or extended family.

"Gil, this is Sara and a baby." She said in disbelief.

"Yes I know, he's called James. He's just over a month old. That is where I went. And that is where I am going to be with my family."

"Seriously, I mean he is yours isn't he?" Catherine stumbled into the chair by his desk.

"Yes, he is mine. When she came back for Warrick." He added before she asked.

"When did you find out she was pregnant and why didn't you tell me, did you marry her when you were away where are they?" Catherine was interrupted by Grissom.

"Slow down Catherine, this is why I didn't tell you because I can't cope when you attack me with questions. I didn't want to go into it all I want to go home I have someone viewing the house this morning Jim will fill you in, he went to see them, only got back day before yesterday." He stood up and walked to the door. "Leave the picture on my desk please when you have finished with it Jim only just left it for me, I want to keep it." And he was gone.

***********

It was two days before he left Grissom was stood in his almost empty house signing paperwork to complete the sale of the house, the new owners would be moving in less than a week after he left.

Catherine and Jim had told those that needed to know that he was leaving and why, everyone seemed to be happy for him and he enjoyed showing off his pictures of James and Catherine came to his office at the start of each shift to see the picture that Sara emailed him everyday to start his shift. That was coming to an end now he had everything packed except the clothes he had on and the clothes he had laid out for the next nights shift and his trip.

Sat by the door he had a suitcase with some more clothes in and his hand luggage for his trip. All the furniture was gone except an easy chair which he had been using to sleep in for the last few days.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Grissom pulled up outside the house with butterflies dancing in his stomach. He had climber out of the car and pulled out the keys before the engine had died. He walked quickly up the path to the front door as it was opened.

"Hi you look nice"

"Hi Gil must dash. I've got a hot date. Your hot date is in the kitchen." Ellie gushed as she ran out of the house and down the path. Grissom continued in the opposite direction.

He walked into the kitchen Sara was stood by the cooker where wonderful smells were reaching him from. She looked wonderful she would have looked wonderful to him in anything but she was dressed up she had her hair done and was even wearing make up.

"Hi" He whispered "You look amazing and that smells fantastic." He smiled at her. She spun around taken by surprise.

"Gil, I didn't hear you come in, oh god it's good to see you." They both stepped towards each other and met in the centre of the kitchen. He reached his arms out and wrapped them around her shoulders pulling her in close to his body as she wrapped her arms around his waist happy to be held close to him again. "No offence but you smell." She said lifting her head to meet his lips and kissing him, he smiled into the kiss. Pressing his body against hers, moving his hand up to tangle into her hair. He broke away to breath.

"Should I go and get a shower. I feel a little underdressed." He smiled looking deep into her eyes. "And there is someone else that I would quite like to see as well, if you don't mind." He lent in and kissed her gently on the lips again. She was not ready to let him go again just yet and she pressed her lips into his again briefly.

"Your clothes are in the wardrobe in OUR bedroom." She smiled," James is asleep he will not wake up for a couple of hour, sorry." He grinned at her.

"I don't mind I am looking forward to having you to myself for a while as Ellie has gone out. Is she with Steve?" he asked.

"Yes." Sara lent in and kissed him again "Go on go and have a shower dinner should be ready when you get back down stairs." He took he hands and bought the back of each one up to his lips and kissed them.

"I will see you in a few minutes" He smiled "I like saying that." He lent in and kissed her lips quickly before turning to go in the shower. He ran up the stairs two at a time now eager to see James as well. He ran in to Sara's bedroom, and was shocked to see an empty space where James' crib had been. "Sara where is James?" He called down the stairs. He heard her chuckle from down stairs.

"He's in his room." She paused, listening to his footsteps turning at the top of the stairs "The door next to the bathroom." She called again. Listening to him cross the landing and open the door.

James was sound asleep in his crib visible only from the low light from the night light. Tears came to Grissom's eyes as he saw his son again, he had grown a lot in the four weeks he had been away, and changed he had less hair and chubbier checks. Grissom walked over to the crib and ran his finger gently over his head before bringing his finger to his lip and kissing it, then pressing it on to the baby's forehead.

"It's good to see you little man, I will not go a day without seeing you, I promise." He stroked his son's head again before leaving the room and quietly closing the door.

Grissom showered and dressed in his suit that he knew Sara liked him in, and he nervously descended the stairs.


	20. Chapter 20

Sorry it has been ridiculously long since I last updated but my laptop died and it was a while before I got a new one and then work, children, university and life in general took over. I really wanted to get this finished I don't like leaving things undone so sorry for suddenly reappearing after so long.

Chapter 20

Grissom returned to the door way into the kitchen in time to watch Sara putting their dinner on plates, she turned around to place them on the table and smiled at him stood in the door way watching her.

"Are you coming in or do you just want to stand there looking handsome?" She giggled a little nervously as she took her seat at the table.

"I was just enjoying the view, it's been a long time since I had the time to just watch you, and you are enchanting you know?" He walked in to the room and took her hand from the table in his and brought it up to his lips and kissed the back of it. "I love you so much, and I am so glad to be here with you, you did not have to go to all this trouble, lovely as it is." Sara giggled nervously again.

"I was a little excited about you come I had to do something to distract myself Ellie helped with the food obviously and the hair." Sara stopped talking Gil's hand came to her chin and tilted it up to make her look into his face.

"Stop putting yourself down and rambling, you look very nice tonight, and you hair is perfect, but to me you could have been wearing anything" he paused and grinned mischievously at her "or even nothing at all and I would have been happy and fantastic as it is to be sitting here with the prospect of sharing this wonderful food with you I would have been happy sharing a packet of popcorn in front of the TV its being here together that counts I like that you made an effort and thank you for it but relax this is me we are way past our first date," Sara still did not seem able to relax. "Sara what is making you so nervous?" Sara tried to drop her head again but he held gently onto her chin and she continued to make eye contact with him.

"It's been a long time Gil and I promised not to tease and I'm scared things will not be the same between us after having James and everything that has happened, you know intimately." He let her face drop as he moved his hand away and she gazed down at her food, Grissom rose from the table and crouched down by her chair taking her hands in his and gently turning her around to face him.

"Does it matter if its different things change?" then he grinned again and winked "sometimes for the better. We do not have to do anything tonight other than enjoy the wonderful food you have prepared. I will sleep down stairs again if you want we can go as fast or slow as you like." She looked into his eyes again making sure he was telling the truth hoping to see his word reflected in his eyes and they were.

"Gil I'm sorry I just got myself worked up about nothing and built up in my mind that we were going to have this passionate explosive reunion and as the time got closer I wanted it so much I wanted to make it perfect and then I started to have doubts and then everything else had to be more perfect to make up for that and "She paused for breath, "I have been very silly haven't I? You are not going to leave if the sex is not as good as it was before are you?" He shook his head and stood up in front of her.

"No you will not be able to make me leave now, bad food, bad hair, bad sex, try it all I will not be leaving you again." He bent down and kissed her forehead, then each of her cheeks and the end of her nose before taking her lips, he took her head in his hands and gentle pulled her closer to him and lifting her slightly so she stood in front of him. He let one hand caress the smooth skin that was exposed by her hair being up while the other went to the hem of her blouse and found the small of her back pulling all of her body flat against his. They kiss was passionate and exciting he wanted to reassure her that he still wanted her and boy did he want her. Sara smiled into the kiss as she felt him reach to the passion of their kiss against her stomach and then she pulled back trying to catch her breath smiling into his eyes.

"Are you sure you can wait, even until after dinner, never mind a week." She giggled and kissed him gently on the lips again.

"For you I could wait forever, although every day I am in your presence it gets harder" He replied releasing his hold on her.

"Literally" She chuckled "Do you think we can eat first, I did work very hard at this?" He took his seat.

"Your wish is my command, my lady" She giggled again but with humour this time not nerves. They sat quietly for a few minutes enjoying their food, before talking about his new job.

Just as they finished their food they heard James begin to cry from upstairs, Grissom grinned "He's awake is it ok if I go up first?" Sara smiled back nodding.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

After Grissom had a brief reunion with James, Sara fed him while Gil went back down stairs to clean up after their meal. As he as just putting the last clean plate on the draining board he felt Sara's presence behind him, as he had for many years in the lab, but now he was free to react to it instantly.

Without turning around he spoke "is he all settled down again? How long will I be able to have you to myself before he wakes up or Ellie comes home?" As he turned around Sara smiled leaning against the door frame much as he had earlier in the evening.

"How long do you want? James should sleep until morning now, all be it early morning and Ellie is hoping that she will not be back tonight if you know what I mean?" Sara said as she slowly walked across the kitchen to where he was leant against the sink. She leant in to him as she came close and captured his lips with hers as she flattened her body against his, kissing him as she had before he left for Las Vegas, with all the passion and commitment that she could muster, his reaction to her was almost instant, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back and within seconds she could feel his arousal against her stomach.

"I'm sorry Sara I can't help it he breathed" as she backed up a few inches. She pressed herself against him again as he spoke, and kissed him again.

"Don't be" she replied as he moved his lips from hers and started to kiss down her neck finding and nipping at the area just down from her ear that he knew sent shivers down her spine and she gasped as he knew she would.

"I know I said we could go at your speed, but could we go to bed and see how far you are willing to let me go before you say stop?" he asked bringing his head back up to make eye contact with her. She did not speak but took his hand in hers and brought it to her lips and then turned and lead him by the hand up the stair and in to their bedroom.

As they entered the room he reached around her from behind pulling her back against his body pressing his hard arousal against her bottom as he leaned in to kiss her naked neck. He brought his hands up and cupped her breasts through her top and bra gently squeezing to see how far she would let him go.

He could feel Sara relaxing in his arms and continued to kiss every area of her neck that he had access to and slowly started to unbutton her top starting at the bottom slowly working his way up a button at a time pausing each time to make sure she was still comfortable. When all the buttons were unfastened be gently pulled the material back over her shoulders and down her arms making sure his hand brushed over her nipples through her bra as they went.

"You ok with this?" He whispered in her ear nibbling at it while he waited for her response.

"Yes I am fine." She replied taking hold of his hand as her top fell to the floor and bring it back up to cup her breast, making her shudder slightly at the touch. He continued to kiss and nibble at her neck bringing his other hand up to cup her unattended breast and she ground her bottom against his arousal

"I've been dreaming about this since I left Vegas" she almost panted out as he gently began to pull the lace away from his target. "Please just take it off" She begged trying to get her hands in between them to release it, but he beat her too it and pulled her hands back in front of her squeezing her hard against him and cupping both her now bare breasts in his hands and gently brushing his thumbs across the nipples which were already hard to his touch.

Sara's body was telling her to throw him on the bed and make love to him, but her brain was still a little worried that it would not be the same despite the fact that her body up until know was responding much as is had the first time they were together.

Grissom turned her around in his arms and claimed her lips with his, gently running his hands up and down her back as she pressed her body against him. He reached down and undid the zip on her skirt leaving it held up only by the pressure between their bodies.

Sara began to let the needs of her body win over her worries and found herself pulling Grissoms cloths off as quickly as she could, first his jacket joined her top on the floor, and her skirt fell to her feet. Then his shirt was removed as she ripped some of his buttons off in her sudden rush to feel his skin against hers. She gasped at her own action and he just chucked.

"Don't you like that shirt" he grinned and pulled her back against him for the first time skin to skin as he kissed her. Any hesitation that Sara had felt was now gone, she needed him. She eased herself away from him slightly still maintaining contact and kissing him while she worked at his belt blindly fumbling with the buckle and the button beneath it at the same time. "You are suddenly in a real hurry to get me naked." Gill teased as he broke the kiss and quickly released himself from his remaining cloths in one movement. He stood naked before her pausing to see if she really did want to go any further.

Sara froze for a moment taking in the sight of him a few small changes in his body since the last time she had seen him like this. "I have missed you so much thank you for coming to find me" She whispered as she moved slowly back into his arms and kissed him again. Gil slowly started to move them toward the bed as he moved his kisses down her neck and along her collar bone as he sat on the end of the bed he moved his attention to her breasts which his mouth was now in line with. He looked up into her eyes.

"May I?" He asked, so close to her right nipple that she could feel his breath sending shivers of electricity through her as he spoke. Her breath completely taken away she could only nod her head to agree. He gently kissed the end of her hardened nipple not wanting to be surprised by any changes and make her nervous again, his attention was agonisingly slow to Sara and she ran her fingers through his hair pulling his head closer to her body as she did so, he took the hint and took her nipple into his mouth sucking gently and rubbing his tongue across the tip and then around the side before pulling back and repeating his actions on the other side. Sara gasped and felt her knees give way as she slid into his lap unable to remain standing any longer.

He looked into her face "Are you ok do you want to stop?" He asked teasing her now he was well aware of the affect he was having on her. She smiled and pushed him back onto the bed.

"Don't you dare, I have waited a long time to get you back in my bed you are not going to get me to this point and stop." He pushed himself up the bed and she crawled up beside him and leant over and kissed him. Now allowing her body to dictate the pass, she found herself lying on top of him when she broke the kiss. Gil ran his hands down her back to her hips and hooked his thumbs into the top of her panties.

"I think we need to get rid of these now don't you" before she could answer he pulled them down as far as he could reach from under her and she wriggled out of them. Sara sat up on his lap with her hand rested on his chest, just smiling down at his for a moment. He reached up and took one of her breasts in each hand and squeezed gently then rubbed her nipples with his thumbs she could feel her need for him inside her growing and he lent forward and took one of her nipples in his mouth again sucking and stroking it with his tongue while his hand continued to stroke and massage her other breast. His free hand gently ran down her ribs and across her stomach to the curls between her legs and he just barely touched her and she arched against him in pleasure. Seeing how sensitive she was already he moved south wards from her most sensitive spot and ran his finger through her juices and inside her just for a second, leaving her desperate for more of an intrusion as he ran his finger back up her folds and circled her clit with his wet finger.

"No more I need you in me now." She growled into the top of his head. She started to adjust herself in his lap and he looked up into her eyes.

"You sure?" he asked helping her to position him at her entrance, she hovered for a moment before answering "YES" as she impailed herself on him. "God yes" she added as they fell into a familiar rhythm, panting and gasping as there pleasure grew quickly.

"Sara, I'm sorry I don't think I will be able to last long it's been so long" Gill panted out as he felt himself close to climax. As he finished speaking he felt Sara's muscles clamp down around him and she screamed out his name as her orgasm hit and sent waves of pleasure shooting through her body and Gil let himself go letting her pulsating muscles milk everything his had out of him.

As they came down from their climax they rolled backwards onto the bed smiling at each other.

"Are you still worried it won't be good?" he teased whispering into her ear.

"No that will do for now maybe we can take a bit longer next time?" She teased back rolling to the side and snuggling in to sleep. "I love you thank you for coming" she whispered.

"I love you too."


End file.
